thank you

It's been about a month since our Hazaiah passed on. I've been surprised at the outpouring of love and support for us. I've heard stories of many people saying wrong things to someone suffering through a miscarriage, but we didn't experience that at all. There were probably many people who just kept quiet, but, i was overwhelmed at all the people praying for us and checking on us. Some brought us dinner the week that I could barely get up and Joshua was doing all the house and kid stuff plus his regular work too, and that was such an enormous help.
The most amazing thing about that, was the way that God coordinated all of it. The first day we had leftovers that Joshua had just brought home from a work thing. Then my mom brought over a meal.  Another day our neighbor brought over lasagna. On Joshua's birthday a friend brought delicious soup which was perfect as he was starting to get a cough and wanted some soup. Then we had a pasta casserole on Lazarus's birthday, and Lazarus loves food like that. And we were even brought some snowball cookies for Lazarus's birthday, and Lazarus thought that was the greatest birthday treat. What a wonderful surprise after i had been sad that i couldn't make any sort of birthday dessert for them.  And a friend brought us a perfect Friday meal for what we were wanting too. No one asked what food we wanted or when would be best, it just showed up with perfect timing and meals, pieced together only the way God could. What a blessing. We even received a book just as i had looked at options online and decided there were too many to figure out.
I feel bad that we've received so much when most people don't even know when someone's had a miscarriage. I don't know how we could have done this whole time on our own. We have absolutely felt God's peace that is beyond understanding. So very thankful for all the prayers through this. When i was able to get back to church and some of our other groups, i had so many people come up and just give me a hug or ask how i was doing. It really meant so very much. And some people have sent a simple check-in text, and i appreciate it so much. I just know that our family certainly doesn't deserve any more attention than all the other families who have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth.
As i mentioned earlier, many people shared some wonderful ideas for remembering our baby. I knew that God created our baby and that the baby had finished his earthly life, and we were sad about having such a short time here with our baby, but i really hadn't realized how meaningful some of these special remembrances would be until after we did them. The burial service was so very special. A moment when we especially felt God's absolute presence.
Mostly I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has helped us through this time, praying for us and Hazaiah from when we found out about his existence on November 1st through this last month when we've been missing him and i've been physically recovering. I had a rash from something in the surgery (which thankfully wasn't a big deal and went away in a week), side effects from antibiotics (just a preventative after surgery, but i'm glad it's been many years since i've had an antibiotic, and hopefully i won't need one again soon), and just an extreme lack of energy after losing so much blood. I'm now able to go up and down stairs carrying laundry baskets, which i'm so thankful for! I've been taking Floradix, which i highly recommend for anyone who's anemic. Did you know your body makes something like 30,000 red blood cells every second?! God is amazing.
Lazarus keeps telling people that we're having another baby. I asked him why he says that. He said it's because he's praying for another baby since Hazaiah died. And he does, many times a day, pray "Thank you God for my Mommy, my Daddy, my sister, and my babies. Amen." He says he prays for babies because we have Ezekiel and he wants another baby. I'm hoping for a 2015 baby too, but we'll leave the planning up to God, and I'm looking forward to finding out what He has in mind. Lots of prayers of thankfulness and hope in the Vaughn house.

Hazaiah's burial

Yesterday we were able to gather together to bury our tiny Hazaiah Lael's body. I realize that most first trimester miscarriages don't end up with a body, but we were very thankful we did. We looked into various burial options, and we were so glad when we found out it'd work to bury Hazaiah with Great Grandpa Johnson's cemetery plot. With Greg's help, Joshua built the most beautiful little box for Hazaiah's body.

Yesterday at 4pm, family met at Peace Valley cemetery in Anderson, Missouri where many of the Johnsons (Joshua's mom's family) are buried. Joshua dug right in between Chris and Norma Johnson's spots and laid Hazaiah's box right on top of their vaults. We announced the name God had given us for this baby--Hazaiah Lael. Joshua had brought some dirt from our backyard, where Lazarus's feet have worn off the grass under the tire swing and from under our new trampoline. Places where we'll miss having Hazaiah's feet growing up and playing with our family. And we're taking some of the cemetery dirt home with us to fill those spots back up. Mom brought a little vase of flowers to mark the spot with, and we may eventually add a flat little stone with his name. 

We are sad that our time with Hazaiah was so short, but we know that his life was complete. God created this life just as significantly as God created Evalana, Lazarus, and Ezekiel. And I am filled with joy over knowing that Hazaiah is with Jesus! We pray and hope and pray that all of our children and extended family and others we know will trust Jesus with their lives. That is why we're here on this earth. I know that even Hazaiah's two months of life in my belly has and will point people toward Elohim, God the creator. And while I can be sad that Hazaiah's time was shorter with us than I had dreamed, I know that God's plans are so much better than my dreams. Hopefully later Joshua can add to this a bit of what he shared at our little burial. 

We are so thankful to have been blessed with our Hazaiah Lael. And we are thankful for the way God allowed us to celebrate his life yesterday. 

Here are my pictures from yesterday. I'll have to edit better once I get to a computer. 

After our little service, we went back to Mima and Grandpa Darrel's for some delicious food. Evalana had made a hat for the baby, and, since Hazaiah doesn't need it now, Evalana gave the hat to cousin Shelby. 

Last week we took the kids to Build A Bear to make stuffed animals to help us remember our Hazaiah blessing. 

We hadn't yet named Hazaiah, so Joshua wrote Baby V on the heart that goes inside each stuffed animal.

Part of this blanket was buried with Hazaiah, and we have the other part, so I'd like to do something special with it, but I don't know what yet. 

Hazaiah Lael

God gave us a perfect name for our baby. His name is Hazaiah Lael Vaughn. Hazaiah means "God decides, seeing God, and God sees him". Lael means "belonging to God" and is shared with his great great great uncle, great grandpa Johnson, and great uncle. And Vaughn is welsh for little.

 We're so thankful God blessed us with little Hazaiah Lael. When I was pregnant with Evalana, I heard a teaching on our children belonging to God, and he's letting us parent them. I've known that's true. And Hazaiah Lael is such a reminder of that. Glory to God!